What AN IDIOT me

i meet her today, i dont know why i can be so stupid, i saw her parents, i jus smile at them...
i not even walk over and open my mouth and say hi....
because of this i get scold by her......and she even tease me say that u not even know how to say proper hi to my mom. still say want to become my boyfriend back. you such an idiot.

my heart feel pain on the same time i feel how stupid i`m. gosh why i can be so stupid.
aih....i think that my chance to become her bf is very low might even don have at all.
i dont care got or not, what i know that i will do my best to show her i wan to do it.

17th September 2009

is been 4 days i din blog anything, lolz.... i talk till like my blog is famous and got a lot followers waiting my post.... what a shame. i being alone in my room, as usual. is heavy rain outside, look like the rain wont stop at least for few hours. man....i feel that i din recover yet. i still get the feeling deep inside my heart. i wish i can erase it, but seems impossible. like everyone say, the more u try to forget it the more and strong u will remember it

i got try to find a `replacement`. but it din work. on the same time i feel i sucks. because my selfish, i try to forget someone...i go get someone to replace her...... i feel myself real bad. i feel real guilty. what can i do, pls help me, guide me....teach me. i really confusing, because the one i like din respond to me, i go find other....when she respond me, i will forget or ignore everything everyone. why is she so important in my heart, why why why why. even myself don have answer for that. what a jerk. yesterday i make her angry, i say something real hurt. like a knife go through her heart, i say that i will die and find someone to take care her.

till now she din sms me, msn me....she seems like angry for real. i wish i can cure back her wound. hope that she can forgive me, because i`m stupid and selfish. i can feel that she love me deeply, but i not able to respond back or love her back like she love me. i don think that i able to do it since my heart is still full of ...... . i wish i can put down my past and walk towards my future. i can see my future is bright, happy and colourful if i can put down my past. the problem is i cant, i cant.

i can feel that she purposely ignore me in order for me to forget her. but i cant let go. aih~~~

2nd Day Blogging~

Yosh~ today is my second day blogging. kinda weird, i feel like i write myself and read myself. Lonely, i`m mr. lonely. wahaha

today my mood getting better. hopefully will be better and better. tomolo is my important day, need to meet up wit someone might change my life.

hopefully everything will smooth and success. kinda bored with this kind of life already. wish to change long time ago, since.... gosh totally forget when i feel bored. can prove that is very long already. i think thats all for today.

everyone, wish me good luck~

Emo

My first time feel the emo feeling. Don`t know why, i feel so emo. Maybe is because i miss someone i should not miss or i don have the right to miss her anymore.

When she beside me, i can feel what so called love and happiness. But i think i`m the one who only feel so and take her as someone special. When she stay at my house, the way she treat me, is like i`m someone special to her. But she went back to her own house on Wednesday, i can feel that my life is missing something, like u have a 10000 pieces of puzzle....but u missing a piece. And u desperate to find that missing pieces.

My friends told me that, she not worth to be miss or be love. Because they say she not even treat me as a normal friend. Just when she need a place to hide from something then she will come and look for me. All my friend call me stupid because i always let her do that to me. Honestly i don`t mind..... do i need to mind? i don`t know.... What i know now is that is she make me feel emo and no mood for few days.

I got try to call her just now, ask izzit possible if we have a chat? Guess what, she replied that she no mood to chat with me. Gosh.... what i`m to her? or am i just a place for hiding? i really don`t know. Now i hope that i can get rid of this feeling ASAP.

Is stupid to say like this but, i will still say it. GOD and ANGELS, please give me strenght to go through this........please!!